The Next Step

Mojo just came in and crashed out on the arm of the couch next to me. She keeps to herself most of the time, sleeping on my bed during the day and on the couch or in the bathroom sink at night. Rarely in the same place at the same time, but always around.

We're like a yin and yang: curvy white girl, curvy black cat.

But Mojo also knows after all these years that sometimes Mama needs some love. And today, she was right. First, the weather just BLOWS (literally and metaphorically): snow and driving wind. I can't handle much more of winter. And I had to work this morning and have more to do tonight, as well as tomorrow morning :(

In fairness, I shouldn't complain about work, considering I never know if I'm going to have work from term to term. Summer is shaping up to be on the lean side, which has me nervous. I keep trying to remember that everything happens for a reason, but I'm also worried constantly about making enough money, and when the well might run dry.

Along those lines, I have an incredible opportunity to go to China for 2 weeks in May, but I'm so concerned about shelling out $2900 for the trip, missing work, and being broke --- all because I dropped all this money on the trip and missed work so I could go, right on the eve of a long summer in which considerably fewer students enroll in classes.

So the long and the short of it is that as much as I love being an adjunct, I really must start searching for something full-time. Sounds easy enough, right? But then the full-time job search brings me to a whole existential crisis about WHERE I should be looking. I've struggled with this for years: move back east, stay in (insert present location here), go somewhere else.

What's different this time is that, for once, I really am thinking about moving back east. I've been away from home for 12 years, on my own for the most part and enjoying it tremendously. But something is changing. I'm tired of being away. And while I have a handful of amazing people in my life here in Chicago, the truth of the matter is that I am alone alot of the time. And I'm tired of being alone. Back east, I'm surrounded by family and friends. Here, you know, I got Mojo. Etc.

I'm starting to think it's time to leave it to the universe. Search, apply, see what shakes loose. It's just hard because I feel changes, good changes, big ones, are just around the corner. But I can't see them yet. So, what IS the next step?

I'll let you know once I figure it out.