A view of the bambino, slightly blurry. The interesting thing in this image is the incredibly rapid heartbeat. At 10 weeks, you can see the heartbeat flickering in black and white, very rapidly. When they measured it, it came up at 179 beats per minute. That's something like four times what the average adult rate is. It's also nearly twice as fast as it was two weeks later when I had the nuchal translucency test.
4.28.2008
Ultrasound Side View
This was the image that made me cry. I swear the kid rolled over and waved to me with it's little bud fingers.
I find it amazing that it's got all this room in there now, but that that won't last long.
I also have to say that I could have sat there for an hour, tummy exposed, covered in warm goo, watching that kid wiggle around in there. I became a completely different person.
The Peanut
My mom started calling the baby "The Peanut" and I had no idea how appropos that name was until I saw the ultrasound from this angle.
A couple interesting details to note: First, there is a dotted line that measures the "head-to-rump" length of the baby. At 10 weeks, it's 3 centimeters long. This calculation also helps determine not only how far along I was in the pregnancy, but it also estimates the due date, which appears as November 5, 2008 in the bottom left.
Forgive Yourself
I really hated missing all of my favorite things, but I started to learn to compromise.
I don’t care if it sounds selfish, or if you think I am. It’s not, and I’m not. I’m telling you this so that you don’t feel guilty too if you feel selfish, like I did those first few weeks. I felt selfish, then hated myself for feeling selfish, then hated myself even more for beating up on myself for what’s honestly a very normal reaction.
After all, my body has been my own for nearly 30 years, to do with it what I pleased, good, bad, or otherwise. It’s not any longer. I need a lot of sleep. I’m hungry quite often and I’ve gotten fat already. I don’t have the energy to go and go and go like I always have. I’m growing a baby in here now, and it’s growing faster than I could have ever imagined. Between April 9 and April 22, it nearly doubled in size. No wonder I need 10-12 hours of sleep a day.
Taking it easier on myself is making all the difference. I’m going to be a good mother, even if I spent the third month of my pregnancy freaking the fuck OUT about what I’d gotten myself into. But I realize that being stressed out about the baby is putting undue stress on the little critter, and it has enough to worry about right now with developing into a strong and healthy person.
I don’t care if it sounds selfish, or if you think I am. It’s not, and I’m not. I’m telling you this so that you don’t feel guilty too if you feel selfish, like I did those first few weeks. I felt selfish, then hated myself for feeling selfish, then hated myself even more for beating up on myself for what’s honestly a very normal reaction.
After all, my body has been my own for nearly 30 years, to do with it what I pleased, good, bad, or otherwise. It’s not any longer. I need a lot of sleep. I’m hungry quite often and I’ve gotten fat already. I don’t have the energy to go and go and go like I always have. I’m growing a baby in here now, and it’s growing faster than I could have ever imagined. Between April 9 and April 22, it nearly doubled in size. No wonder I need 10-12 hours of sleep a day.
Taking it easier on myself is making all the difference. I’m going to be a good mother, even if I spent the third month of my pregnancy freaking the fuck OUT about what I’d gotten myself into. But I realize that being stressed out about the baby is putting undue stress on the little critter, and it has enough to worry about right now with developing into a strong and healthy person.
Wine-No
Losing the wine was tough. First of all, that’s how I got busted at Hope Street Pizza as being in the family way. See, Aaron and I are there probably three times a week, at least, and as soon as the bartenders saw me, they knew to reach for the pinot grigio. All of a sudden, I’m declining and asking for WATER? Jessica? At a BAR? Yeah, got a few raised eyebrows there, and the jig was up.
As my friend Libby said, at the moment she heard I was pregnant, she detected a cry of desperation from the direction of the Marlborough region of New Zealand, producers of some of my favorite vintages of pinot grigio. I responded that I heard a similar cry from the Piedmont region of Italy, where my beloved reds, the Montepulcianos, the Barberas, and the San Gioveses are made, as well as the delightful light and citrusy Gavi.
So I resorted to loving perusals of the wine lists at some of the better-heeled restaurants at which I dine, planning out which ones I’d drink it which order, or pairing this vintage with the Osso Bucco, or that vintage with the fruit-and-cheese plate.
But before long, maybe a month, I didn’t miss drinking wine all that much. Same thing with smoking, but because that often went hand-in-hand with drinking, it subsided around the same time. I craved carpaccio and sushi and rare steaks too, but I’ve resorted to cooked rolls instead of fatty tuna, and I get the steak medium rare. Medium is probably recommended, but I’d rather gnaw on my flip-flops than eat a steak cooked medium.
And that’s how I learned to cope.
As my friend Libby said, at the moment she heard I was pregnant, she detected a cry of desperation from the direction of the Marlborough region of New Zealand, producers of some of my favorite vintages of pinot grigio. I responded that I heard a similar cry from the Piedmont region of Italy, where my beloved reds, the Montepulcianos, the Barberas, and the San Gioveses are made, as well as the delightful light and citrusy Gavi.
So I resorted to loving perusals of the wine lists at some of the better-heeled restaurants at which I dine, planning out which ones I’d drink it which order, or pairing this vintage with the Osso Bucco, or that vintage with the fruit-and-cheese plate.
But before long, maybe a month, I didn’t miss drinking wine all that much. Same thing with smoking, but because that often went hand-in-hand with drinking, it subsided around the same time. I craved carpaccio and sushi and rare steaks too, but I’ve resorted to cooked rolls instead of fatty tuna, and I get the steak medium rare. Medium is probably recommended, but I’d rather gnaw on my flip-flops than eat a steak cooked medium.
And that’s how I learned to cope.
Colonized
For about the first month after I found out I was pregnant, I felt colonized. Before I explain much further, I want to point out that NEVER, at any point, have I not been thrilled about having this baby. But I also wasn’t prepared for it. And being prepared makes a big difference in how we respond to major life-changing scenarios like “the plane is crashing into the mountain” or “the ship has struck the iceberg” or “the sperm has found the egg.”
Plus, and those of you who know me know this well, I was up to my armpits in baby-unfriendly habits that had to cease and desist immediately. I smoked. I drank a lot of wine. I ate raw meat. I drank caffeine. I popped ibuprofen at the slightest twinge of pain. I slept 6 to 8 hours a night, maybe. I drove fast, recklessly, and often without a seat belt.
So of course, I stopped all of it. Cold Turkey. After about a week, I was stressed out, exhausted, and becoming increasingly feral. All of my favorite vices were gone! Who did this zygote think it was anyway? Not that I could have brought myself to actually DO any of the things I was missing so badly, but that didn’t mean I had to like NOT enjoying them.
Ultimately, I did break down. I needed a damned Coke.
Starting my new job in the 8th week of pregnancy was what drove me over the edge. I was miserable by early afternoon with or without the caffeine rush, overcome with a stupefying fatigue, but a can of Coke with lunch took the edge off of it. That and a 10-minute power-nap I would take with my head down on my desk.
Plus, and those of you who know me know this well, I was up to my armpits in baby-unfriendly habits that had to cease and desist immediately. I smoked. I drank a lot of wine. I ate raw meat. I drank caffeine. I popped ibuprofen at the slightest twinge of pain. I slept 6 to 8 hours a night, maybe. I drove fast, recklessly, and often without a seat belt.
So of course, I stopped all of it. Cold Turkey. After about a week, I was stressed out, exhausted, and becoming increasingly feral. All of my favorite vices were gone! Who did this zygote think it was anyway? Not that I could have brought myself to actually DO any of the things I was missing so badly, but that didn’t mean I had to like NOT enjoying them.
Ultimately, I did break down. I needed a damned Coke.
Starting my new job in the 8th week of pregnancy was what drove me over the edge. I was miserable by early afternoon with or without the caffeine rush, overcome with a stupefying fatigue, but a can of Coke with lunch took the edge off of it. That and a 10-minute power-nap I would take with my head down on my desk.
March 6, 2008
The Day that Everything Changed.
I took the test at 7:30 am after Aaron left for work. The "plus" sign came up IMMEDIATELY. Unequiovcally. I called Amity as she was walking into school. I blurted it out as soon as I saw my mom at work that morning. But I didn't get to tell Aaron until 10 pm that night. I blurted it out again in the car on the way home from hanging out with friends.
I took the second test the next day, just to be certain. You don't get false positives on pregnancy tests, FYI. I could have saved the pee.
4.06.2008
Minor Roles in Bad Movies
This is the working title of a yet-to-be-determined project Aaron & I cooked up. We'll keep you posted.
3.23.2008
What's Been Going On
Well hello there.
I've been away, and it's for good reasons. I've had one of those months that have been nothing short of life changing. Where do I begin?
First, I started a new job this past week. I'm an Instructional Designer at Gilbane, a construction management company. The job pays well, the people I work with are fantastic, and more than anything I am so excited about the work I'll be doing. The hard part has been adjusting to working full time again. And under fluorescent lights. I'm still trying to finish teaching at CTU, which will be over soon, mercifully.
So that's been good. And that's only the beginning.
Aaron and I started househunting last month. We got approved for a mortgage and found a place we like. The plan was to buy the house and move in this summer, then get married next Spring.
Well, the plans changed somewhat. On March 6, I found out that I'm pregnant. The news was a bit of a surprise, but we're both very excited and happy. Clearly, the old adage about life happening while you're making other plans is all too true for us.
So, I'm due some time in November, and we're now getting married on June 7 of this year. With starting the new job, finishing the old one, planning a wedding, and adjusting to the physical vicissitudes of the first trimester --- you can see why I've not been around. It's been a bit overwhelming, but we're coping. I have the best partner and friend in Aaron, and he keeps me so grounded in all things.
I do have a couple photos to upload, and there's certainly plenty to share. I think the hardest thing for me lately is that I am used to needing 6-8 hours of sleep per night, which allows me plenty of time to tackle all of the things on my plate. Now, I need 10-12 hours a day. I know that the fatigue --- along with the nausea, migraines, and moodiness --- will all pass. Supposedly I'm going to feel better than ever in another couple weeks when the second trimester starts.
Good thing too. We're still hoping to buy that house, but after the wedding now. Some people take years to do what Aaron and I are are doing by Thanksgiving. As Brazer said, rather than hitting play, we hit fast-forward on our relationship. Somehow it all seems fitting.
I've been away, and it's for good reasons. I've had one of those months that have been nothing short of life changing. Where do I begin?
First, I started a new job this past week. I'm an Instructional Designer at Gilbane, a construction management company. The job pays well, the people I work with are fantastic, and more than anything I am so excited about the work I'll be doing. The hard part has been adjusting to working full time again. And under fluorescent lights. I'm still trying to finish teaching at CTU, which will be over soon, mercifully.
So that's been good. And that's only the beginning.
Aaron and I started househunting last month. We got approved for a mortgage and found a place we like. The plan was to buy the house and move in this summer, then get married next Spring.
Well, the plans changed somewhat. On March 6, I found out that I'm pregnant. The news was a bit of a surprise, but we're both very excited and happy. Clearly, the old adage about life happening while you're making other plans is all too true for us.
So, I'm due some time in November, and we're now getting married on June 7 of this year. With starting the new job, finishing the old one, planning a wedding, and adjusting to the physical vicissitudes of the first trimester --- you can see why I've not been around. It's been a bit overwhelming, but we're coping. I have the best partner and friend in Aaron, and he keeps me so grounded in all things.
I do have a couple photos to upload, and there's certainly plenty to share. I think the hardest thing for me lately is that I am used to needing 6-8 hours of sleep per night, which allows me plenty of time to tackle all of the things on my plate. Now, I need 10-12 hours a day. I know that the fatigue --- along with the nausea, migraines, and moodiness --- will all pass. Supposedly I'm going to feel better than ever in another couple weeks when the second trimester starts.
Good thing too. We're still hoping to buy that house, but after the wedding now. Some people take years to do what Aaron and I are are doing by Thanksgiving. As Brazer said, rather than hitting play, we hit fast-forward on our relationship. Somehow it all seems fitting.
3.07.2008
Radio Silence
Sorry I've been away. There's a lot going on. It involves family, home, relationship, and career. When I'm ready to go cyber you'll be the first to know. Thanks for waiting :)
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