Bullshit on Parade

I'm really hoping that today is just a bullshit day, and that tomorrow it shall pass. I've learned my lesson about ranting on this blog about the home-buying process, so I'll leave that bullshit story aside for now. Don't worry though, buyers and sellers are officially on notice that once June 27 has come and gone, the gloves are off. Suffice it to say that I am so over things like smoke detector certificates and window hardware. I will not mention names, but your hijinks will be exposed.

I'm also over having entirely too much to do and not enough time to do it. Really, I know some of you out there will laugh heartily at the idea that this little leopard can change her multi-tasking spots. But, to paraphrase Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians, after 30 years, I will fight no more, forever. I'm tired. I have blown my proverbial wad this year, and I need a little peace. Thank God I married the best man ever, and he is the calm center of the universe when I want to curl up in a ball and cry about having now 8 days to move and no time off and no idea how it's going to happen.

But that's not the subject of this post tonight. No, tonight I am heartily frustrated by one Adorama Camera company and their totally reactionary and inflexible contract with UPS. The excerpt below is adapted from an email I sent to M tonight. She is my longest-term friend, and she and I have similar (low) thresholds for bullshit, as well as similar abilities to find humor in the bullshit:

"I left at 4 so I could try to intercept a UPS package that, due to the shipper's contract with UPS, cannot be left without a signature, nor diverted to another address, nor left at the depot in Warwick until there have been THREE unsuccessful delivery attempts. Fuckin' A. I will never order another thing from that camera company again. We have had countless wedding gifts left on our doorstep in the past several weeks, thank you Crate and Barrel, but Adorama can't leave $85 worth of obscure Polaroid film on my doorstep? Gaaaaahhh.

The best part is that according to their website's tracking info, UPS allegedly tried to deliver again at 5 pm. But I've been here since a little after 4 with no delivery guy, no second notice post-it note. I hate everything. Thank Madonna I put "Jessica Beagan Archer" on the package, because of course I need a government issued photo id to go pick the damned thing up and my license is still from Illinois with my maiden name on it. I'm probably going to have to drag Aaron along so I can show them an Archer that lives at this address to spring the package from UPS on Friday. If I can even get it that day. Watch there be an issue. Seriously, I need this."

So, I'm calling bullshit on Adorama, who have been a pain in the ass for years, and on UPS for having agreed to such a ludicrous delivery policy. Plus, I want to know where that driver was, because he most certainly was not here at 5 pm.