Annika Update

Good news! Annika is recovering very well from her initial breathing problems. She's out of the hood and in a little enclosed crib, breathing now through a nasal tube. Her breathing has improved to the point that I was able to nurse her today, which is a big step. The kid has been dying to eat, and enjoyed it so much she gave herself hiccups. So, we're making progress. She will remain in the hospital to finish her course of antibiotics before being discharged at the end of the week.

Five days ago I had no concept of what a hospital was like. I hadn't spent a night in one since I was born. Just the process of labor and delivery was educational. Now, I have had a newborn in the NICU, and I have seen more than I ever could have fathomed.

The NICU is a difficult place to be. After a few days, I've seen a pattern. At first, you're in shock, numbly reoounting the horrible details of what you've been told is wrong with your baby. The second phase is the spontaneous sobbing. Provocations great and small prompt you to weep senselessly. Ultimately, you accept what's going on, and you rise and fall with your child's condition. A good report is an exultation, while a rough night or bad news undoes you completely.

Fortunately, saints be praised, Annika is going to be fine. Not being able to hold her for the first 30-something hours was hard, but her prognosis is excellent. And although it's exhausting to be recovering from the delivery and schlepping to the hospital, I'm able to be more of a mother to her every day. The circumstances this week could be better. But for what they are, it could be so much worse, and I feel blessed nevertheless.