Early Rising

I never get up early, but today I have a world to conquer. A pile of work to do, as always. I've spent a lot of time in recent months anesthetizing myself in quiet moments. Not sleeping right, not being productive. Oblivion is beautiful, but there are only so many moments in our lives. I've spent enough of them there already.

Compounding this problem is that I tend to procrastinate. Badly. There is great need for balance in all things. I realize that work is what sustains life. It gives meaning (for me at least. I love my job(s)). It provides material comforts. But it becomes a cross to bear when I martyr myself to it.

I'm tired of doing this.

I can have a "normal" schedule
and,
wait for it,
THRIVE?
on it.

Imagine that.

But in fairness, I'm motivated by a feeling that the universe is truly opening up (the mantra that kept me going in uncertain times three years ago). I've left a truly suffocating but highly necessary stint in corporate cubicle land for 5 jobs as an adjunct instructor and graduate assistant. It's insane, and I have already taken steps to reign this in for next semester. But it feels good to be alive, I'll tell you what.

And of course, I'm also basking in the light of something both new and familiar. A friendship that's changing my consciousness. A sharp mind that engages and volleys with mine. It's nice, it's overdue, and I want to enjoy it, to collapse into it while my self remains intact. And I want this without the vagaries of the workaday world hovering like a cutlass over my head.

I've left my secure job. I've opened up my home (highly unusual), and my mind (even MORE unusual) to some happy possibilities.

I'm cracking holes into some strong thick walls.

And the sunlight is gorgeous.

I just have to remember to keep breathing.