I don't want to work

Ok, in fairness, who does?

But seriously, I've hit the end. I have no motivation. I feel like I have been kicking my own ass since about 1993 and I just don't want to play any more. Granted, it was a busy social weekend. Then today, Patricia needed a change of scene and suggested the mall. I was actually in the process of getting ready to go there myself to pick up some soap. We had brunch and did some shopping. The highlight: I splurged on a goose down pillow at IKEA. Honestly, I spend a third of my life in bed. I want a good pillow. No further justification needed.

And now, tonight, what I really really really want to do is veg out in front of the TV. NOT tackle the mountain of grading I have to deal with. NOT tackle the mountain of schoolwork that has been neglected. The worst part is that I feel like an asshole for complaining about it. I have it good! I'm finally teaching all the time, which is what I have always wanted to do. I'm thrilled to be working on my Ed.D. La vie est belle.

But what it comes down to is that I have just had enough. Now my task is to find the drive to follow through on some commitments, and then finally finally FINALLY just stop overdoing it. I want to know why I do it. But I don't know that there's an answer. So instead, I just have to STOP.

There is a balance, here, damn it.

So where is it?