Grandma and Billy Idol

A family classic. This picture was taken sometime in the mid-to-late 80's at one of the theme parks in Florida. It was right before the time that Billy had that career comeback. The funniest part of the story is that my grandmother had no idea who Billy Idol was, and my grandfather still to this day will tell you what a polite young man he was, despite the way he looked.

My grandparents had moved to Orlando not long before this picture was taken. They're down there now, selling their house and tying up the last loose ends of their life there. They spent 20 years "on vacation" in total before moving back to Rhode Island this past summer. They are both 78 years old, and wanted to be close to my mom again as they are getting older.

It's a bit of a memento mori for me, to see this picture. My grandmother has aged quite a bit in the last 20 years. But then again, so have we all.

The goal now is to find some equally hilarious pop icon like Billy Idol for MY mother to pose with at some point in her 50's as grandma did here. We've got time, but we gotta get on it.

You reading this, Ma? I'm officially starting a tradition here. So who's it going to be?

Back in Mac

Dude. It's good to be home.

I just got a new old Mac for a $50 donation to the RMC scholarship fund. It's a 3-year old G4 Tower, and it's got everything I need.

This is the way to do it. Command Central is now dual format: Mac desktop, PC laptop. I'm just hoping that my dualistic Gemini nature will be enough to keep me from feeling Mac/PC schizophrenia. I will need an AirPort for wireless desktop (the cable wiring for the modem doesn't work with the layout of my computer area. There is an unsightly and dangerous cord betwixt me and the living room area as I write).

So yeah, good times ahead. I dug out the vintage iMac Ruby, circa 2000, and plan to retrieve the rest of the data off of that and bring it to this machine. Any suggestions as to what I should do with a 6.5 year old, completely obsolete iMac would be most appreciated. I have a whole new set of photo work to excavate. All the work that was saved as Mac-formatted PhotoShop files can now be accessed.

The big thing I have to decide is whether or not to bundle everything together onto this machine: all the photos, documents, todo, for archiving. It feels alot like when I decided to organize my time via the Franklin Covey planner. I spent a long time watching co-workers use theirs, and I asked questions before investing. It's the best thing I could have done, and the better I use it, the better I feel. Oddly enough, I have no interest in the PDA thing at this point. It's good to have some paper still in my life. Plus, I also know that if the shit goes down, everything I need is in one lovely little Wedgewood-blue leather folio. I'm not ready to go entirely digital just yet. Especially if the shit ever does go down.

But my, does having both platforms feel like the best of all possible worlds.

Coffee Heath Bar Crunch

Ah, Ben & Jerry's. The best ice cream ever. I worked one summer at a scoop shop of theirs in Narragansett, RI. K & I used to frequent the one off Thayer Street back when we used to frequent Thayer Street in Providence.

I also remember having to have other sweets in the house back in Iowa, because B used to microwave my three-dollar pints to get at the chunks easier. He wouldn't eat the ice cream. It was never the same after it had been microwaved and pillaged. It drove me nuts. But it's also classic B.

So yeah, digging into a pint tonight. Staying home on Saturday night to do some grading. Not getting very far. Doing things like chatting. Blogging. Eating ice cream. Skipping over 90% of the songs shuffling through iTunes. Dancing, playing with Coco.

Feeling very much at one with the universe, thank you very much. There's a lot of past present future to balance.

The list for tomorrow:

1. Set up new desk chair
2. Set up iMac
3. Set up new Mac
4. Transfer files from iMac to new Mac
5. Get new Mac online
6. Figure out what to do with iMac
7. Cook eggs
8. Cook clam sauce (two different meals)
9. 11am brunch with D
10. Buy kitten food

Prepare for week.

The shuffle has just turned up "You Bowed Down" from Elvis Costello & the Attractions' 1996 album All This Useless Beauty. It's a favorite of mine, from angsty grad school days.

Excuse me, I have some singing to do.

And the ice cream is starting to melt.

Do Something Nice for Someone Else

Inspired by Z's three questions, I decided today that this weekend I will do something nice for one of my students. She is working so hard and trying to overcome so many things --- I can see that hunger in her to do well in school so she can get a good job and make a home for her daughters. It's the least I can do.

I took that idea to my afternoon class on Critical Thinking, and asked my students what is something that they've done this week that was nice for someone else. A couple people raised their hands and talked about feeding the homeless through church or spending time with an elderly man whose family doesn't visit.

We then proceeded to finish Al Gore's AMAZING documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." GO SEE IT. Better yet, buy a copy of it and then donate it to a local library or college library. Or share it with everyone you know. We are facing a global crisis with our environment, one that affects our ability as HUMANS to be able to continue to live on planet Earth. As a HUMANITIES teacher, I can't help myself from sharing these types of things.

Where global warming intersects with doing something nice for someone else is here: Gore says that global warming is not a political issue, but a moral issue. And, each one of us has contributed to the problem over the last thirty years, so it's up to us (and WELL within our abilities) to fix it. So, homework this weekend is to do something nice for someone else. That can be either by cleaning out a closet and donating the clothes and other items to a good cause. It can be by carpooling, or starting a carpool. It can be by going out and replacing the lightbulbs in one's house with energy-efficient lighting. All of these things benefit others in some way.

Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the magnitude of things, whether it is the vastness of human need or the total size of the earth or the depth and breadth of problems like global warming. It seems huge. But the best and only way to fix it is both the easiest and the hardest thing to do. We need to spread the word, and to lead by example. Changing our own habits is the hardest thing. So I thought I'd frame it as "Do Something Nice for Someone Else." I'll go out and buy a pair of tennis shoes for a hardworking mother and student, for example. No, that won't affect the amount of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere, but it is one small thing I can do that will make a big difference for one person.

Idealistic or not, I do believe that these things add up. After all, each tiny contribution of CO2, day after day, person by person, has put the ENTIRE EARTH in a climatic crisis. Now, I'm no expert at math, but I do remember that equations are commutative, meaning they work both ways. If we can each contribute our own tiny bit to a crisis, we MUST be able to make it work the other way.

I look forward to hearing and sharing what they did.

Sick. Again.

Another resolution: Stay home when I am sick.

Classic example: M comes to class on Saturday to make up a quiz. She is sick. The very next day, I come down with what she had. Saw M today, Monday, in class. She's now feeling fine, so I'm hoping for a speedy recovery.

But here's the rub. I proceeded to conduct class today, in front of 20 poor souls who were forced to breathe in my sickness. So who's going to catch it next? And once it goes around again, from whom will I catch it next time?

Going forward, I'm staying home. I don't know where I get this from, but I feel guilty if I take a sick day. Instead, I hereby reorient my paradigm so that I feel GOOD about NOT infecting a roomful of hapless students who will only turn around and get me sick again anyway.

That said, CLC, I'm calling in tomorrow. I'll stay in bed, rest, get some fluids going, and be in terrific shape for the rest of the week.

I'm learning, you guys. I'm learning.

Email

I'll be the first to admit that I tend to neglect email. I long since quit voice mail, but email is another whole issue. First, I have 8 accounts. Literally. It's a pain to check all of these. But I can't integrate them all, because that would be too easy.

I just sat down and plowed through 330 new messages in two accounts. It took two hours, approximately. One nice thing about neglecting email is that alot of problems work themselves out in time.

Nevertheless, I need to get on it. So, being that it's never too late for a New Year's Resolution, I hereby resolve to get myself out of bed each morning and check my accounts. All of 'em. I know that some efficiency gurus recommend never checking email in the morning, but clearly that will be better than not checking it at all.

Wish me luck!

Hound dog in garage

at Art's, Brewer, ME.

Wandering

In sand at Scarborough, in snow at Brewer. It looks like I drag my left heel.

Stuck at the Office

More pix from SpyCam Chicago 2004. These are from the Prairie Stone and Sears office complexes. Between the two I spent over 2.5 years on the fourth floor. In both buildings.



I've been out of the office since August. The comparisions to prisons, cages, bad relationships and every other metaphor for incarceration certainly apply here. I am just so much happier running around like a maniac between teaching jobs and classes than I ever could have been here.



We were very concerned about qualifying and the percentage of students qualified when I was a student advisor. Thanks to that job, I soon figured out that numbers are bullshit and that anyone can make the numbers say anything they want them to say. These numbers were everything. But even when they meant something to me, they meant nothing.



I tried very hard to make my cubicle spaces familiar, so I decorated the hell out of them. I never understood how people could stare at dingy gray cubicle upholstery every day and not go insane. Most of these images were on the "inspiration" corkboard in my kitchen in Iowa City. So when I took the job, I took my inspiration to the cube.



A lot of the time, I wasn't happy. But I sometimes tried to make something out of that time. It wasn't for me, but it was priceless experience. And if I never return there, that's fine too.

The Metaphysics of Blogging

In honor of my 200th post, I give you the following conversation with my friend Chrystal, recorded tonight via IM.:

Jessica says:
i've made my blogger more personal and less PERSONAL since when I started
Jessica says:
it was an online diary during an odd time in my life
Jessica says:
someone is going to want to go deep to find that shit out. But from there, I've thrown a lot of photo work in and more "public" personal stuff
Splash says:
lol...my old ones were as well and I just started a new one
Jessica says:
I get how public the internet is now. I didn't before. That's what I meant about that balance between "PERSONAL" and public-personal
Splash says:
I like that about blogger...that you can create multiple blogs independent of each other
Splash says:
oh it's very public and everything can be used at will too
Jessica says:
it is a good feature. My attention span is only so good . I"m a one-blog kind of gal
Jessica says:
i never got that
Splash says:
I make sure to google myself every few weeks to see if my blogs pop up so I can keep them from being found by employers etc
Jessica says:
i don't like to google myself. It freaks me out
Splash says:
I mean I don't care if they find them but the more difficult I make it the better
Splash says:
lmao
Jessica says:
it feels like i'm dead
Jessica says:
you know?
Splash says:
As for multiple blogs, I just do one at a time but the old ones get outdated and I stop using them and just make a new one that I actually keep up with.
Splash says:
and yes..it's like you are dead...
Splash says:
I just have a lot of lacrosse and high school stuff so it's not bad
Jessica says:
i also feel like I'm controlling my name: "jessicabeagan.blogspot"
Splash says:
lol..I love it.
Jessica says:
like what i put there represents "me"

Medical Lab Interiors

A selection from the Medical Lab Interiors I shot at Iowa in 2003. Thanks to Glen for letting me into the Davidson Lab, and to Joe for the access to the Dental School's labs.

Iowa City, Spring 2003

At the end of my time in Iowa, just before I finished my MFA: Some shots from home at 1424 Center Ave . . .

Of the many charms . . .

Gaspee House Bathroom 017, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

. . . in the Gaspee House, this antique porcelain light fixture in the bathroom. My mother plans to keep them to put them in the new house after this one is demolished. *sigh*

For all you Rhode Islanders out there . . .

Scarborough Beach, the day after Christmas, 2006.

This used to be the "guido" beach, but honestly it's been so long since I spent any time there, I have no idea what the vibe is anymore. The sad part is that my parents own a house literally across the street from Scarborough, which is where I have been staying when I visit.

At any rate, on the day after Christmas, it looked like this:

New Semester

Dang, where did the week go?

I have been holed up at home for the most part this week, clearing out the old and preparing for the new. The Spring semester starts this week for OCC, CLC, and NIU. Cleaning, filing, purging, rearranging. Finalizing the syllabi and plans for some new courses.

The idea is that the better prepared I am now, the more time I will have for the creative pursuits later, so stay tuned!

Of course, there were some fun times too, including forays into the world of the bridal with Jennifer this weekend and a little January clearance shopping. If I could figure out how I transferred that last batch of files from the RAZR to the laptop via Bluetooth, I'd have some pix now. Instead, I totally botched up my internet connection this week hoping Bluetooth synergy would strike twice. It didn't.

But, I'm on the way to a clean and organized home. The last of the giftcards are spent. Plans and preparations are underway all around. I'm ready for my first day of school once again tomorrow afternoon. Happy Spring 2007 Semester!

Much Better Today

Rococo is no longer hiding under the sink, and the swelling around her incision has gone down some. It seems that the anaesthesia was making her much more miserable yesterday than the incision is today. I was able to hold her today and we were both purring.



Mama and kitten are recovering just fine.

Control the Population?

I had Rococo spayed today. I have been dreading this, and subconsciously I think I procrastinated as long as I could. The phone call from H a few days before I returned home to Chicago told me I could wait no more. Rococo had gone into heat. I would return home to a horny and yowling kitten.

So, I made the appointment. I'm sure it looks worse because of the swelling, but I feel like a butcher. I can't believe I put this darling little creature through such an ordeal. LOOK AT HER STOMACH! If a human woman went through this, she'd be in bed for weeks.

There has got to be a better way than this.

And to think, they asked if I wanted to have her DECLAWED at the same time! Sure, slicing open her belly and removing her reproductive organs isn't enough. Let's amputate her fingertips while we're at it!

Rococo has been hiding in the back of the cabinet under the sink in the bathroom most of the afternoon and evening. She was unspeakably ornery while the anaesthesia was wearing off, but she appears to feel better now. She even came out long enough for me to snap some pix.

But I can't hold her, I can't console her, and worst of all, I can't explain to her why this had to be done. And I swear that those baleful little cries from underneath the sink, and that LOOK in her eyes are indicating that at this point, she would rather like to know why herself.

And honestly, I can't think of an answer, other than the inconvenience of her being in heat and perhaps leaving a few spots of blood on the windowsill or my duvet. She's an indoor cat, living with another spayed female cat. She would have to get through three metal doors and a flight of stairs to reach the outdoors and a sperm donor.

I know that this is the responsible-pet-owner thing to do, And I'm sure in a few days I will feel better when I see that she is feeling better.

Moreover though, I have to keep reminding myself that this is a necessary evil. Rococo came into my life because some thoughtless and careless pet owner did NOT have his cat spayed and she became pregnant. Rather than deal with the unpleasantness (and expense for that matter) of this ounce of prevention, this beneficent individual's pound of cure was to tie up his cat's litter of kittens in a plastic bag and discard them in a Chicago dumpster. Someone heard their cries and rescued the survivors, including both my Rococo and Zibby's cat Hunney.

So, mutilate your cat, or inhumanely discard a handful of unwanted living creatures. This tonight is the lesser of the evils. I know this. Even though right now I don't think I could feel any worse about it. Rococo will be herself in a few days, and will live many happy years. Her sisters and brothers who died in that plastic bag never had that chance.

Mike @ Gaspee

2007-01-03 Mike at Gaspee at Night 004, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

My brother at the Gaspee House, the last night I stayed there in this form. It will be torn down to make way for a new and bigger house for my parents this spring.





Mike spent many winters living there. I wanted to document him at the house before it transmogrifies. In my heart I know it will be a lovely home, but I hate the thought of losing this one.





I will miss my little seaside oasis. I think Mike will too.

Home Again!

Wherever I am, I am home.

Now, I'm home in Chicago. Got in yesterday afternoon, had a terrific night with Z last night, then headed to RMC this morning for Digital Photo's make-up work session. I have a pile of reading to do for Philosophy class in the morning, but only after a nap.

And just WAIT for the pix to come, darling.

It's all good.

Welcome 2007!

Just got back from a night out in Bangor, Maine with Amity and Kyle, at the lovely apartment of two of his colleagues at the hospital. A great group of people. The lovebirds are off to his place for a few hours sleep before he heads to work at 7 am. I'm relaxing back at her place with the cat and the wireless before heading to bed myself.

I'm really disappointed about not making it to Machias tonight, but I think I made the best decision based on what the weather looks like. The latest reports show the rain and snow starting in earnest by 9 am.

I'm starting to look forward to a short visit with my folks in RI and then getting home to Chicago on Thursday. I can't believe it's been nearly 2 weeks! The time away has been illuminating, and it has the added benefit of making me appreciate my home and my life there. I have done a ton of photography and other creative work. Plus, I've even learned to cook a bit. I'm ready to return to my own little nest and get to work on it.

And I must admit that this weekend I've thought long and hard about the "what-if" scenarios around returning to Maine to live. I know that I am blessed and lucky to have so many amazing people who love and care for me back here. But I also feel that I'm not the same person anymore either. Could I live here again? Sure, I could live anywhere. But for now, I'm not going anywhere. I think I need to stop the wondering and just live and be where I am, in Palatine, with my jobs and school and friends there. The best thing about RI and Maine is that I DO have these places to which I am forever tied, and to which I may return whenever I want. And I will.

As for 2007, it started with a ridiculous ceremony. Some guys chucked from a roof in downtown Bangor a large evergreen ball sparkling with lights. They were two minutes early, and they hoisted the stupid thing back up by its orange industrial extension cord immediately after tossing it. The crowd (term used loosely) dispersed immediately afterward. So, here in Bangor, 2006 ended with decidedly more whimper than bang. Fine with me. It was a bangin'-enough year. I hope for just as many good times, along with the added peace and stability I will make for myself and my life in 2007.

Feliz Anho Nuevo!
J