Kitchen Rehab COMPLETED!!

After we removed the old ugly dishwasher, here's what remained to be torn out.




Everything is torn out! At this point it's like climbing a mountain. Once you get to the top, you still have half the work to do in order to get back down. In this case, it's more like getting to the first base camp with six more to go before you even get to the summit. So yeah, considerably less than half way, but demolition is purgative and yields quite a sense of accomplishment.




The old cabinet, which served as a cutting surface when we trimmed down the countertop, and the fridge in its old position on the right.




Chris is preparing a saw. Rococo insisted on "helping" most of the time. In this case she decided to chill out in the sink for a bit. I didn't get a picture of Mojo later doing the same thing once we took the sink out of the box. There was an awful lot of action in their house these past couple days, but the girls weathered it pretty well.



The new dishwasher (which Chris and I installed ourselves!!) and the fridge in its proper place. There was LITERALLY a millimeter on either side of that fridge. Any closer to the right and the door hits the wall when you open it. Any more to the left and the dishwasher door drags against the fridge door. When it's THAT close, I swear it's like finding God. Seriously. You are just so thankful that by some divine Providence it worked.




Patsy and I enjoyed a bottle of wine in my new kitchen last night. This is the first time I feel like I've been able to use that room since I bought this place. Note the adorable red and white bistro table. I've actually changed the room already since I shot this last night. Once the room is all staged and painted I'll get an updated photo posted.

This whole project started because I measured wrong and the fridge needed about an extra inch in order to fit where it belonged. I lived for the last year with the fridge in the wrong place and a broken dishwasher. The best lesson from this is that it is not hard to make these changes, and that although it is exhausting, time-consuming, and costs money, IT IS WORTH IT. I wish I had had the impetus to do this for MYSELF and not just so I can put it on the market. But either way it's done and it was worth it.

I'm fighting myself heartily to NOT do the same thing in the bathroom right now. Steady on, girl!

A Bit Carried Away?

Jeff, my realtor, made me promise not to do any demolition on the condo as I prepare to sell it. But today, CJ came over to install some light fixtures and trim the counter in order to get the fridge to fit. It wasn't going to work and the counter and cabinet and sink were gross anyway. So, we tore 'em out. I did need to get a dishwasher anyway, so it's all good.

My house is trashed and we're still only half way through after an 8-hour workday. We tore everything out and bought the new stuff today --- it came in under $300!!! We were able to install the cabinet and trim down the countertop as well as cut the hole for the sink. Tomorrow we'll purchase the dishwasher, hook it up along with the sink, secure the countertop, and install the faucet. Oh, and we'll get the light fixtures installed too after all.

I wouldn't have done any of it if I didn't think it would benefit the sale of this place. Plus, I'm happy with the look. All of the horizontal planes in the kitchen are brown: counter, floor, and bar. The verticals will be white cabinets, and the bistro set will look great. Plus, it's been a great education, as always.

I'll upload some pix tomorrow.

House Preparations Planning, Revised

It's Wednesday night, so where am I at?

CJ will be here tomorrow morning. We're going to install the ceiling fan in the bedroom and the light fixtures in the kitchen and bathroom, and see if we can trim down the counter to get the fridge to fit where it belongs.

Friday-Sunday: Pack the kitchen and other non-essentials. Prepare for Dad to paint next week. Grading, prep for work.

Monday night: Dad arrives from RI

Tuesday-Thursday: Put some lipstick on this pig, metaphorically speaking, of course. My home is NOT a pig. It just needs some love. Touch up paint all around, paint cabinets in kitchen and bath, install cabinet hardware.

Friday, April 6: Realtor comes over. Condo goes on the market.

Haiku: Changes

I'm ready. What's next?
There is direction, a path.
I'll know when I know.

Skylight

2007-03-28 Amanda on Skype, Condo 123, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

Laying on the floor, looking up.

Packing

2007-03-28 Amanda on Skype, Condo 117, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

A pile of papers to go through, all related to teaching, so I can pack them away. *sigh*

A New Generation

2007-03-28 Amanda on Skype, Condo 064, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

All about breaking the internet with her Noni and me. I love the snowy New England map as the background. Amanda's home and mine.

Woo-Woo

Awwww yeah!

I'm getting caught up on the dreaded grading.

I made dinner tonight. Granted, it was Stroganoff Hamburger Helper, but it was hot food from my stove so back off biz-natch.

I came in under my budget of $250 for the improvements I want to make to the condo. The fabulous bistro table and chairs were $85 with tax, and the three fixtures I bought at Home Depot today came in at around $110 with tax. I'm stoked.

Am drank bourbon, and I had a lovely San Giovese from Napa Valley and we hung OUT online tonight. Can't wait to be in the same time zone and region with her again.

Caught Top Design tonight too. An all-new episode. We lost Goil tonight, but the final three are good. It's inspirational, what can I say?

Woo woo!

Mi espalda duele

Mi hermana Luisana and I were comparing notes today. She and her fiance and her daughter are moving into their first place together, and are running into the usual issues when one moves. I was telling her about how I'm packing my books and other non-essentials so I can properly stage my place for sale.

Of course, I'm doing this in Spanish, a language I have scratched and fought to learn "de la calle" for the past few years. It takes a lot of concentration and patience with myself, but talking with Luchy is great practice.

The big success of the day was hauling 11 boxes of books and several bags of clothing and kitchen stuff for donation. I've been puttering around the house today trying to put it back together a bit.

The major issue of the day though is getting caught up on grading, as always. My least favorite task, but one that must be done. The natives are getting restless, and rightly so. *sigh*

Busy Weekend

Spring Cleaning is amazing.

In a Herculean effort, I packed 10 boxes of books and four bags of linens and clothes yesterday. I lifted nearly every book I own. It was ten boxes worth and there's still more. The house is trashed and the worst part is still ahead: schlepping this stuff to storage or to donate.

It feels great to clear this space, but it wore me out yesterday. I fell asleep on the couch. That never happens. By the time I lay down, I needed a two-hour nap in order to put myself to bed.

This morning I went to Home Depot to set up the storage unit I rented yesterday, bought more boxes and some newsprint while I was there. I need to pack the kitchen and my papers and get that stuff squared away in storage. Winter clothes too.

Pats called late morning and we went antiquing. I was feeling the good-shopping mojo, but the day got off to a slow start. We ended up crusing West on 72 almost to I-39, finding nothing in terms of antiques. On the way out though we stopped for a snack at the Chick 'N Dip in Hampshire, Illinois. It was in the low 80's today but windy once we got outside the suburbs. Pats had a hot dog, I had the first ice cream cone of the season: vanilla soft serve with a butterscotch dip.

After our drive we hit some antique shops in Elgin. Got some fun linens: a hand embroidered pillow case and a laundry bag, and a "new" linen dishtowel with a 1973 calendar on it. I've started to collect 70's linen dishtowels. They're cheap, abundant, and wildly varied. Oh, and useful too.

The best find of the day though was at 4pm --- when the last shop was closing right as we pulled in. Pats had seen a white bistro table with two chairs outside earlier, and I was able to grab the set! White wrought iron, and the two chairs have a red and white striped vinyl cushion and back. SO FRENCH! It's exactly what I wanted for that corner in the kitchen. They wanted a hundred, I got it for eighty. I'm keeping it forever. It's tiny, charming, and works both indoors and out. I'll get some pix to post.

So the country-drive-antiques-hunt was in fact successful, as I imagined, and the road therapy was just what I needed. I'm ready for the week.

Tasks for the Week

In project manager mode, I am preparing my home. Time off from CLC and CTU next week means it's time for a plan.

Now: Check for packing supplies like tape. Drop off dry cleaning. Lunch at Los Arcos. Get boxes and pack all non-essential books. 75% be shipped to RI. Keep school-related and decorative books.

The Whole Foods and Half-Price book store around the corner should have good boxes kicking around so I'll stop there tomorrow afternoon. And get some groceries. And find out about selling books.

Saturday pm: Pack books by subject, papers by type chronologically. Prepare to ship to RI mid-week. Decide later whether to take them in shifts or go for one major drop off (talk to Dad).

SUNDAY: CTU GRADING MARATHON. Prep for Monday at OCC.

Monday: Teach.

Tuesday: Shopping: New light fixtures in kitchen and bathroom, ceiling fan (with or without light, we'll see) for the bedroom. Black knobs for the kitchen drawers and doors. Need to count how many needed. Supplies for touch-up painting. Pack/purge clothes, closets. Prep closets to use for storage during work.

Wed: Teach. Painting.

Thursday: CJ will install fixtures and ceiling fan. Scope out dishwasher and fridge situation. Go from there. New dishwasher and a bistro table definitely.

Prepare to revise plan as needed.

VALIDATION!!!

MSN has posted an article about how Wikipedia is NOT a credible source. YAY!

The End of the World

A classic! The best video ever. Thanks to JS for resurrecting the link!

Adult Confirmation Class

Proof that the universe works in mysterious ways: I had my first meeting tonight as a small group leader for the Adult Confirmation Class at St. Edna's here in Arlington Heights. I went through the program last year, feeling all the while like the proverbial whore in church, but I finished and learned a lot and got confirmed.

I was literally thunderstruck when the director called and asked if I would volunteer this year. My parents and I joked about calling the priest with whom I tangled 15 years ago --- the final straw that led me to quit the program and not get confirmed then.

My plan is to make sure this year's candidates feel welcome. It was really odd for me to go through the process, but I felt compelled to do it. And now here I am. Volunteering in Catholic education. I can feel the mirth that this is causing in the universe.

Interrobang Sighting

I only just learned of the Interrobang (a typographical symbol that combines the question mark and exclamation point) from Mental Floss when the darned thing turned up again. This time, it's the "P" in the logo for the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Hmm.

Jon Stewart Totally Rocks

He just interviewed John Bolton, former US Ambassador to the UN (despite his very public contempt for the entire institution). Stewart smoked him. It was amazing.

If I find it on You Tube I'll link it.

Ol' Blue Eyes

2007-03-18 2006 January to 2007 March 192, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

This girl and her big brother have the best eyes, especially as babies. They're like Cindy Lou Who.

Erin & Me

2007-03-18 2006 January to 2007 March 188, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

In the yard at the Gaspee House, June 2006

Homeownership is Overrated

I requested a Comparative Market Analysis for my condo today. It was looking really bleak at first, but I think I'm still in break-even territory. Jeff, my realtor, is coming here on Wednesday to check out this place and see a few others in the development. Time for a little reconnaissance mission, to see what people are offering compared to what they are asking.

Everyone always says owning a home is a good idea, but it's not perfect. I wish I would have considered that the value might go down; or even that realtor commission and fees mean that you ought not to consider selling a house that you don't think you can get at least 5% more money than you paid.

If you're planning on sticking around for a while, real estate is a great idea. I love my home and don't regret having bought it (quite) but I will be annoyed if I can't break even at least. I really wish I had considered that I might not want to live here long enough to let it appreciate. The lame-ass financing doesn't help. I have next-to-no equity, either in time or in interest.

There is a lot to come in terms of this sale, but no matter what, I must remember that it will be educational. And you know sometimes education costs money. You certainly can't buy experience, though I suppose you always pay for it.

Truly a Whirlwind

I'm back from Rhode Island. Between visiting and running around and dealing with teaching I didn't stop moving. There was even a Nor'easter that snowed us in on Friday and I still graded assignments most of the day and evening. Still, the bits of time at the Gaspee House were good, as was the chance to see so many people.

There is so much to do, to decide and plan.

Rosticeria

Rosticeria Cropped, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

Because it was taken out a bus window, I thought I'd give this picture a little adjustment. You can see the original on Flickr. I think the full frame might work if it were printed HUGE, but it's distracting otherwise. A tighter crop yields a better composition.

Mexico City January, 2005.

Pyramid Detail

Pyramid Detail, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

At the Aztec Pyramids of the Sun and Moon, Mexico City 2005

Candles

Candles, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

At the Basilica of the Virgin of Guadalupe, Mexico City, January 2005

The New Kitten

2006-8-2 The New Kitten 037, originally uploaded by jessica_beagan.

Just a couple days after I brought Rococo home, here she is on August 2, 2006. Roquita was very sick with an eye and sinus infection. Her eyes and nose would get all gunked up with sticky green mucus I had to clear up several times a day. Her eyes were always squinting and watery. She needed some love and care and antibiotics, not unlike Mojo 7 years earlier. What can I say, I never met a sick kitten I didn't try to save.

Sunshine and Nap Time

Spring has arrived, finalement!!!!

I'm a go take a nap next to the open window with the cats. Mojo is camped out on the bed next to the window, taking in the fresh air she loves.

Later!

Soccer Mom

So, there were a couple dings in the paintjob on the new car, so I brought it back to the dealership and they gave me a loaner car overnight until I was able to pick up the Corolla today.

For 24 hours, I was driving a Toyota Sienna MINIVAN. Way more car than this girl needs, but I bet it's pretty sweet on a long trip. Then, yesterday afternoon, Rococo's little weak stomach (euphemism for explosive diarrhea) really needed to be addressed, so I cleaned up a trail of nastiness and packed her off to the vet for an appointment.

I'm far from a soccer mom. But I did get an odd glimpse into a world in which I'm navigating an enormous vehicle, cleaning up poop, and holding a scared little critter who won't let me put her down at the doctor's office.

And I must confess it doesn't seem so bad.

Release the Hounds?

Or get a BB Gun?
Dress up like a Swan?

I'm going to effen KILL these Geese. Honestly, I love all of God's creatures, but I'm losing my mind. Talking to Amity earlier on Skype and she asked me if there were chickens outside. Nope, just the pterydactyl-like cawing of those birds.

I've lived in houses with ants, roaches, fleas, and houseflies. Nothing comes close to the nuisance these geese cause.

I feel like a bad person for being so intolerant, but I cannot overemphasize how hard it is to live with these birds fighting and flapping and honking at all hours of the day and night. I've been stuck inside this closed apartment with two cats for months just DYING to open the windows and breathe fresh air and feel some sunlight and warmth and it's just ruined. Even with the windows closed I can still hear them.

We're supposed to have swans, dogs, something to scare off the geese. It's only been a few days since their return, but it's a long way until November when they finally move out again. And I'd like to see the birds relocate before they begin to nest, even though that's a couple months away.

I don't deny these creatures the right to live, and I realize that humans and development are encroaching upon their habitats. It's a difficult balance to strike.

Haiku: "Is it Time to Call the Police?"

Amity and I
talk every day. And if
we don't, I miss her.

Haiku: Late Night TV

X-Files, Top Design
2 am at Patsy's house
"Can you read my mind?"

New Car!

Even though the "check engine" light shut off this afternoon, I finally went ahead and bought a new car. Yay! I've only been threatening to do so since the total system failure back in September, during which the head gasket blew, causing the radiator and thermostat to implode as well. It was 300 miles below the warranty, meaning I was THISCLOSE from having to pay the $1500 bill at Hyundai myself.

Much as I've maligned the ol' 2003 Elantra, it served me well these last four years. I beat the snot out of it and did virtually nothing but change the oil, and even that I didn't do as regularly as I ought to have. She owed me nothing, and I said goodbye tonight with more than a little nostalgia and gratitude.

Now, I'm driving a Toyota Corolla S, manual transmission, MOONROOF, keyless entry, CD player (my first car to have one come standard). She looks like the Elantra, silver with dark gray interior, but it definitely feels like an upgrade. It's the little things when you spend thousands of miles in a car. The fickle faulty locks on the Elantra were the bane of my existence, and I really missed the moonroof since the Jetta's own catastrophic head gasket incident in 2003 (I wonder if there's a correlation between me and blown gaskets . . . . DON'T say it) :)

So yeah, pix to come soon.

The other thing that's kind of wonderful about getting the new car --- the silver lining to the cloud of the "check engine" light last night --- is that I finally snapped out of "it." I've been in the funk to end all funks this week, trying to force changes that need to happen organically. Afraid I'd break down on a dark cold night between West Dundee and Palatine last night, I crashed at Patsy's last night, and we had a good talk and good tarot card reading session. (Yes, they help me. Don't be a hater). But then I couldn't sleep, and I lay awake for hours sorting out my shit.

In a nutshell: I'm staying put, finishing my doctoral degree. And I refuse to allow myself to second guess it every ten minutes any more. I'm not done here yet. Oddly, having to deal with the car jolted me into fixing my frame of mind. I've decided to blame the overall funk on the interminability of this effen winter. And my trying to force the hand of the universe. No more of that!

Ironically, I makeshifted an affirmation out of the sticker off of a Starbucks breakfast sandwich wrapper just yesterday, and stuck it on the dash in the Elantra:
"Epiphanies happen." Instant karma baby! It's the last gift from the Elantra, but I didn't take it with me. I'll get another one.

In the mean time, my new Corolla and I are vessels waiting to be filled by the hand of the universe.

Haiku: Car Trouble

The "check engine" light
came on but the car did not
break down. Still, such stress.

Interrobang!?

I just learned of a failed attempt in the 60's to introduce a new form of punctuation into the lexicon: the Interrobang. It's a hybrid of the ? and the ! and you can find it in Microsoft Word's "Wingdings 2" font palate if you click on the ~/` key up next to the 1.

Thanks to Mental Floss for the info!

Haiku: Time for a Personal Trainer

I overdid it
on the treadmill yesterday.
Shin splints really hurt.

Read My Mind

The new video by the Killers for their song "Read My Mind" is available on You Tube. They shot it in Japan and it's fabulous. The boys will be at the Sears Centre out in Hoffman Estates on May 10. I finally bought tickets yesterday, so Pats and I will be there! The seats totally suck but I had to see them.

Check 'em out!

Haiku: A Full Night's Sleep

Went back to the pills,
Over-the-counter of course,
And slept well last night.

Seven Days 'Til . . . .

. . . A mini-vacation. For some reason the Fates conspired against me getting to a warm tropical climate this winter, so I've settled on Rhode Island for a long weekend next week during Oakton's Spring Break. CLC's isn't until the end of the month, during which time I'll be happy for the break. It would have been SUPER though if they might have coincided, you know?

I spent a lot of time back home last year and by the end of 2006 I felt like I had been back a little too much. This next weekend is the big test though . . . how does it go, and do I go back for good?

We shall see. For now though, I need coffee and food and to head to Oakton. Teach today, come home, hit the gym, grade CTU assignments, meet Pats later for dinner and drinks and probably shopping.

Mira, la vida esta bella aqui tambien.

*sigh*

Cyberporn & A Long Dry Spell

I realize tonight that since my winter break photo orgy, I have been virtually photo-free, both on Flickr and in Icon. Yikes.

I hope to remedy that this weekend by transferring more archives into the Master Archive here on the new Mac. But even the Mac has been on hiatus, sitting idle for weeks until I finally decided to go "Command Central." The Mac is on the desk, the PC on a laptop worktable beside it. This is the evolution of my computing scheme: dual platforms running simultaneously.

So I've transferred over all of the files from the external hard drive I bought in July so I could clear everything off of the VAIO I had from CTU. I'm curious as to whether or not I can plug the PC DIRECTLY INTO THE MAC? Any thoughts? It would be the most direct way to get the photo files into the Master Archive. But it also feels like cyber-porn --- cross-species hardware interfacing. Mmmm, sounds hot. :P

I think I'll play it safe and use the external hard drive as the intermediary. At any rate, perhaps I'll get to updating the naming conventions on the old folders over the weekend and start Flickr'ing and Blogging some pix, circa 2005, over the weekend.

I could do some more shooting too. Meh. Later.

Francesca's Strikes Again

I met up with my cousin B from Rhode Island tonight. He's in Chicago on business. We waited for the traffic to subside and headed from his O'Hare area hotel to Francesca's Forno in Wicker Park. Once again, Francesca's did not disappoint. We had the Carpaccio, Risotto, Pizza and BOTH the chocolate chip banana bread pudding and some decadent brownie thing. Good food, great company.

We figured out that it's been two years since we'd last seen each other, over dinner at the Dixie Kitchen in Evanston. Hard to believe that time goes by so fast. B is one of my favorite relatives, and I was happy he called to meet up. Having so much fun is another tug eastward, I must confess.

We always compare notes on the cousins and other family members, and in the course of talking, my godson K came up. His mother is another one of our cousins. K will be 10 this month, which is hard to believe. I don't see him anywhere NEAR as often as I should, but there's a bond between us that's unmistakable. He's a sweet and sensitive child growing up in a painfully unhappy home. The first time I held him I promised him I would always be there for him. I don't feel like I've even remotely upheld my end of the bargain, and yet I know he loves me all the same as I do him.

I'll be home next week, and I do plan to call his mom to see when I can surprise him with a visit.

Tug.

Haiku: Canada Geese.

The Canada Geese
Piss me off when they return.
But with them comes Spring.

Haiku: Is it Spring Yet?

Fuck you, Wintertime.
It's March. Time for you to go!
Seriously. GO!

Best Quote EVER

I'm watching "Heavy: The story of Metal" on VH1 for like the 6th time. Metal!!!!!!!!!

Slash, of Guns n' Roses fame, was just talking about seeing Van Halen for the first time, and said, ". . . I was thirteen, fourteen years old, I used to sell quaaludes at the Starwood and I was like whoa! . . ."

How perfect is the image of Slash, barely pubescent, but even then with curly hair and top hat, hawking 'ludes at a club?

Also, I gotta give it up for Ronnie James Dio, inventor of the universal symbol of metal: devil horns! He got it from his Italian grandmother's "evil eye" gesture. I'm a big fan, particularly of the two-handed, fist-to-fist, pinkies raised in the "too much metal for one hand" symbol.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

The Raw and the Cooked

I just got home from dinner at Karyn's Raw, a gourmet "living foods" restaurant on Halstead near Armitage tonight with JS and CJ. We had a reunion of the old CTU Student Affairs trio --- that of the famous Twinkie Pact of 2005.

Twinkies were decidedly NOT on the menu tonight, although I'd wager those aren't cooked. CJ is on a raw foods detox diet, and has lost 26 pounds so far on twigs and berries. So when we got together for dinner tonight, we hit Karyn's so that he could stick to his regimen. JS and I are up for anything, so there you have it.

I LOVED Karyn's. As we studied the menu, we munched on kale chips, which were leaves of kale soaked in oil, salt, and honey overnight and then dehydrated. Daniel, our waiter, came out with them and said, "you wanna try something weird?" In unison, JS and I answered "Suuuuuure." They were smashing. And it just got better. I then had the Summer Cooler, a gorgeous and glowing orange cocktail of carrot, apple, and lemon juice, while we waited for CJ. Once he got there, we ordered the dim sum for an appetizer, which I highly recommend.

We then ordered three entrees to split. The Sea Rolls were OUT OF THIS WORLD --- seaweed and veggies rolled up around a divine nut pate and served with a tamari/soy sauce with sesame seeds. Second place were the savory basil-scented ravioli filled with a mascarpone walnut cream and served with a rich tomato sauce with olives. Once you get past your expectation that a ravioli needs to be hot, which it doesn't, you will savor every bite of both dishes.

A sad distant third however was the "polenta" served with shiitake mushrooms, rosemary and tomatoes. This dish looked and tasted NOTHING like any "polenta" I've ever had. I would have been fine if they called it a crispy almond cracker, which it was. But to call something "polenta" --- which connotes creamy cornmeal goodness --- when it is basically a hard nutty wafer, is just annoying. It's less dangerous to call it what it is than to perpetrate a bait-and-switch on a diner.

We finished dinner with two desserts: the Pecan bar, served with carob sauce, which was rich and dense and outstanding; and two flavors of coconut-milk ice cream: peach and blueberry. The ice cream again is a bit of a misnomer --- it really should be called a sorbet, which sounds more posh anyway. Call it what you want, it was light and fruity and such a fine way to end the meal

Overall, the meal was fantastic. My only quarrel is with the high-falootin'-ness of the damned menu. Take the pretension down a notch, call the dishes what they are, and you'll be FINE. In fact, I think to do so would actually open the place up to a broader clientele. Raw food is, fairly or not, an off-putting concept, invoking ascetic menus of carrots and celery. Or, worse by far, the self-righteous vegan hippies stinking of patchouli and disdaining those who eat anything with a shadow.

The kicker though is that other than the menu's wording, the place is pretty much free of trust-afarian pretension. And I walked out of that restaurant feeling SO GOOD. The food was tasty, and I felt like I had just done something really good for my body.

Who wouldn't want that?

20-20-20-Four Hours to Go . . .

Ah, the Ramones. I heard "I Wanna Be Sedated" on the radio yesterday and it got me thinking. I admit that I too often want to be sedated. But not like in the song or when I was a bored teenager and/or twenty-something. Now I just want to be able to fall asleep.

I was telling Pats about my chronic sleeping problem. I sure as shit can't get up in the morning and I sleep like the dead once I do fall asleep. I even have some interesting dreams (notably the recurring plane crash series, which used to cause me to wake up in a panic, but now increasingly involve a gorgeous soothing white light and absolutely no pain or terror as the ground comes closer and closer and closer but the impact just never seems to happen.)

The problem is actually falling asleep, or waking up in the middle of the night and then being unable to fall back to sleep. See, I lay down, cozy in, close my eyes --- but my mind WILL NOT STOP RUNNING. It's like a webpage that won't load and won't crash and just won't stop. And it's the stupidest shit too, song lyrics, quotes, snippets of conversations, shit I have to do the next day. Of course, the longer this goes on, the more upset I get because I just want to sleep and the damned stream of consciousness just won't stop streaming.

Turns out, Pats has the same problem. Even my 8-year old cousin recently told his mom that he has a hard time sleeping because he can't stop thinking. His mom (my aunt) and my mother both have the same issue.

So is this a symptom life in the modern era, in which information is just beaming at us so incessantly that our brains remain forever engaged? Or might it be a sign of advanced intelligence? (I'd like to think that). I worry however that we're all just totally neurotic and THAT'S the actual problem, in point of fact.

Worse still, I can hardly sleep anymore without "Simply Sleep" the active ingredient in Tylenol PM --- basically the PM without the Tylenol. I like to think it's better for my liver than Nyquil, though it's not nearly as effective at inducing a semi-coma.

Ironically, as I write this, I'm watching the South Park episode when all the kids get put on Ritalin. As Cartman says, "It makes you feel goooood."

Kenny: "Gooooooood."

The best part of the episode is when Chef proposes that the parents just smack their kids when they act up, but the parents have all pilfered the kids' Ritalin and are as sedated as their children and therefore don't really care to do anything.

Mmm, Welcome to Generation Rx, baby.

The Next Step

Mojo just came in and crashed out on the arm of the couch next to me. She keeps to herself most of the time, sleeping on my bed during the day and on the couch or in the bathroom sink at night. Rarely in the same place at the same time, but always around.

We're like a yin and yang: curvy white girl, curvy black cat.

But Mojo also knows after all these years that sometimes Mama needs some love. And today, she was right. First, the weather just BLOWS (literally and metaphorically): snow and driving wind. I can't handle much more of winter. And I had to work this morning and have more to do tonight, as well as tomorrow morning :(

In fairness, I shouldn't complain about work, considering I never know if I'm going to have work from term to term. Summer is shaping up to be on the lean side, which has me nervous. I keep trying to remember that everything happens for a reason, but I'm also worried constantly about making enough money, and when the well might run dry.

Along those lines, I have an incredible opportunity to go to China for 2 weeks in May, but I'm so concerned about shelling out $2900 for the trip, missing work, and being broke --- all because I dropped all this money on the trip and missed work so I could go, right on the eve of a long summer in which considerably fewer students enroll in classes.

So the long and the short of it is that as much as I love being an adjunct, I really must start searching for something full-time. Sounds easy enough, right? But then the full-time job search brings me to a whole existential crisis about WHERE I should be looking. I've struggled with this for years: move back east, stay in (insert present location here), go somewhere else.

What's different this time is that, for once, I really am thinking about moving back east. I've been away from home for 12 years, on my own for the most part and enjoying it tremendously. But something is changing. I'm tired of being away. And while I have a handful of amazing people in my life here in Chicago, the truth of the matter is that I am alone alot of the time. And I'm tired of being alone. Back east, I'm surrounded by family and friends. Here, you know, I got Mojo. Etc.

I'm starting to think it's time to leave it to the universe. Search, apply, see what shakes loose. It's just hard because I feel changes, good changes, big ones, are just around the corner. But I can't see them yet. So, what IS the next step?

I'll let you know once I figure it out.

Heigh-ho, the Wind and the Rain

A line from Feste, right, in Twelfth Night? I ought to remember that.

I keep thinking it because DAMN it is windy here in the Chicagoland area today. The nickname "the Windy City" comes not from any meteorological phenomenon, though we do get a wicked gale here from time to time. Chicago actually earned the title because of boastful late-19th century politicians and city fathers. They were eager to attract businesses and World's Fairs to Chicago after the devastating fire of 1871 and the extraordinary rehabilitation that ensued quickly afterward. Chicago was back and better than ever, and they bragged about their town incessantly.

But today it is actually windy, gusting up to 45 miles per hour. It feels like a coastal storm out there, and the windows are rattling.

I'm feeling sort of *blah* today. Not much more to say.